Don't Drink This: Buckfast Tonic Wine, The Official Drink of Scottish Petty Criminals

It's hard to imagine how a beverage with 15 percent alcohol by volume and the caffeine content of eight cans of Coke could lead to unsavory behavior, but Buckfast, a fortified wine brewed by Benedictine monks at Buckfast Abbey, is becoming a real problem over in Scotland. Having spent a year at St. Andrews University over there, we can attest that this stuff seriously erodes your common sense; that prosaic label should peel off and double as an apology card addressed to anyone you encountered after finishing a bottle. Thankfully, this stuff is not available in America, although it could make things really interesting on the set of "Jersey Shore" Season 2.

Wine tasting

I’ve been invited to a wine tasting, but I know nothing about wine and I’m afraid of looking like a fool. Are there any comments I should make so it seems like I know what I’m talking about? Or should I just get tanked and forget about looking suave?

There are tastings, and there are tastings. Sometimes many wines will be tasted, and it’s prudent to take a small amount and leave the rest. Professionals spit. You needn’t if you’re prudent. Then there are tasting dinners during which numerous wines will be served, likely each with a course of food, in which case one drinks a whole glass. It would be vulgar to spit while at the table. As with many things, you can’t go wrong if you watch what everyone else is doing and follow suit. If you know nothing, say nothing, unless a good question occurs to you. Just listen and taste, and you’ll learn. Never forget about looking suave, even when you’re tanked.